Searching for Significance

There’s an old saying that goes “If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and no one hears it, did it really fall?” 

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m that tree. If I create content and nobody cares did I really create it? Does what I make even matter if it only matters to me? A few months ago I might have said that if a tree falls, it falls. Who cares if anyone sees it. Their observation has nothing to do with the fact that it fell. But now I’m realizing that I attach so much of the value in my work (and sometimes my self) to the affirmation and validation of  others. Months ago I began to understand my tendency to be a people pleaser. (I’m still working on it)  but I didn’t realize exactly how much I craved attention and affirmation. With this new-found self awareness, I’m forced to be honest with myself about just how much I want to be celebrated and congratulated for doing something impressive. I keep thinking about how I’m putting all this content into the world but if no one hears me does it matter that I spoke?  If no one sees me, does it matter that I’m living in the light? 

If the tree lives and dies and has no one to report on its great demise then perhaps it fell, but from the perspective of history, it might as well be standing to this day. After all, history is made up of the stories that people carry into the future. But if no one is there to carry my story, or even worse, I end up with a story that’s not worth the effort of picking up, then what was the point of my time here…..

I know now that his mentality is extremely dangerous because if I’m not careful, it can cause me to try to be something that I’m not for the sake of being notable and noticed. I suppose the question I must ask myself is this:

“Which is more important, my notoriety or my authenticity?”

If I desire to be seen so badly that I lose myself in the process then I would have helped to bring about the very outcome that I feared. If I’m trying so hard to live a story worth telling that I live someone else's story then, although I would have ensured history remembered someone, that person would not be me. If I have to change my story to sell my story, then I am better off being forgotten. I’d rather they forget the real me than remember who I tried to be. I would rather be forgotten for good than remembered for bad. 

I think that in some ways we’re all searching for significance but we rarely stop to ask ourselves why the opinions of others have so much control over our decisions. I could say that my significance is found in the Lord and while this is true, it is all too easy to know that intellectually without believing it personally. Trust me, for years I knew that God’s opinion was the only one that mattered and yet I behaved like it mattered the least. Sometimes I still edit myself and my content based on what I think others might think of me. I don’t have all the answers yet but I think that part of the reason we struggle is that we have it backwards. We tend to center ourselves so much that we make God just another character in the major motion picture of our lives. If your reason why starts and ends with you, you’ll always fall short of fulfillment. Sorry to be so blunt but you are not important enough to dedicate your whole life to. We were not designed to be the center of our own universe.

What if instead of trying to find our significance in God, we looked for God’s significance in us? What if we started based on the assumption that our greatness should only exist to make him great? What if we were okay with just being a point of light as long as we helped others identify the sun.

Might we discover that we’re fine with being forgotten as long as they remember our savior?  If you memorize the faces of the extra in the movie but you missed the point of the film, we’d say that there was something wrong with the way you’re watching. Well if you say you’re living your whole life to point to Jesus but all anyone remembers when you leave is you, then isn’t that the same thing? I’m not saying the individual details and intricacies of our life don’t matter. I’m simply saying  that in our search for significance, we might find so much more peace and purpose if we realize that we are part of a much bigger narrative, one that didn’t start with us and won’t end with us, but also one that couldn’t be the same without us. 

I’m mostly talking to myself with this post. But if anyone else out there is struggling with insecurity around their work and the search for significance, I hope this helps a bit. If there’s anyone feeling like they shouldn’t create what they want because of how it will be received. Do it, put it out there, show it to the world.  If they had the audacity to reject the brilliance of the savior when he was right in front  of them, then you can’t convince them to love you or your content. So stop limiting yourself out of fear of the rejection of others. Their rejection is not the worst thing that could happen. I’ve had to learn to shift my focus from the outcome to my motives because if I don’t live for their acceptance, I can’t die from their rejection.

So if a tree falls in the middle of a forest and no one is around to hear it did it fall? Well the earth that it came from and fell upon reverberated with its loss. The community that lived in it grieved its absence. The forest that it was a part of mourned its life. It didn’t need anyone to see it and tell of it’s fall. It shared its story with the world by simply living.