Grown Woman Moves
Redecorated Home Office Tour
I had my first day of work at my first big girl job job today. I have a lot of feelings coming into a full time post grad role in the middle of a pandemic but the most overwhelming one is gratitude. I’m grateful to still have a job and be healthy enough to work there. I’m grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow, even if my experience isn’t starting off how I imagined. However, in the spirit of keeping it real with myself and all of y'all I have to admit that gratitude isn’t the only thing I’m feeling. With everything going on in the world, sometimes I feel like I don’t have the right to the anxiety, weariness, and frustration that I’m experiencing as I go into this really great job at this really great company from the comfort of my home. It’s disorienting to think that I should be happy and excited, but be physically incapable of forcing those emotions without reminding myself very bluntly of my privilege in this season. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but I can’t let that prevent me from being honest with myself. I'm learning that gratitude and contentment can exist alongside frustration.
Going through my first day of training made everything so much more real. It feels like I’m the new kid on the block once again, like I have to prove myself and constantly be ready to take advantage of every opportunity. I’m working on trying to find a happy middle ground between apathy and anxiety. I’m working on just giving myself the grace and space to settle in and trust that I got this job for a reason. I am here for a purpose and the God that brought me to it will get me through it.
As someone who is always looking for something to be excited about, it makes me kind of sad that this job isn’t going to be that for me immediately. (to be very honest a big reason I took it was because I’d get to travel 80% of the time but we see how that turned out lmao) I feel very strongly that this company and this role is where I want to be... where I’m supposed to be, but in this moment, it simply doesn’t look and feel how I expected. Which is to be expected. As I start my new career, all I can do is pray that I will be pleasantly surprised by working from home.
To be fair now that I’ve finally started, I’m reminded that there are opportunities to do things and this company that I can really be passionate about. There is such a wide variety of projects that I can be on like diversity and inclusion consulting or consulting for international development agencies. But I’ll have to work my way to that level. As an analyst I’m going to be working wherever the company has a need. I’m completely okay with it because I can build my skills and learn so much while I’m on various projects that I’ve never been exposed to before. But, I really hope that I can still find a way to find community and impact in this role. Those are the things that motivate me career wise. The start of my journey as a working woman might look a little bit different than I expected but, if this pandemic has done anything, it's made me more flexible and adaptable than ever before. I know that as an entry level analyst, I'll have to do some grunt work, you know, pay my dues and all. I have no qualms about that, but I don’t have to pretend that the due paying process it’s fun. Now my cute little home office? THAT is fun haha and that’s okay! There’s a kind of freedom & perspective that comes from taking things as they are and not forcing yourself to feel a certain way about what life hands you right now. It enables you to acknowledge the closed doors while appreciating the ones that are still open. It gives you the ability to find a joyful path forward even when your situation doesn’t change in the ways that you want it to.
Lately my prayer has been for God to give me purpose in this new chapter of my life. I don’t want to slip so easily into a corporate routine that I begin to put my faith on the back-burner again. I want my work to give glory to God. I think if I can get there, then I’ll be able to wake up and be excited about work every day, even if I don’t absolutely love what I’m doing every day. Kobe, Naya, Chadwick, RBG, 170,000 people…..gone just like that. Life is too precious and too fleeting to live outside of purpose. I want this job to be more than a stepping stone. I want it to be a place that I find purpose. I want to step up to the challenge of living in the Light even as a human capital business consultant. I don’t know exactly how that looks but I know that if decorating an office space that makes me feel happy and serene helps me get excited about going to work then it's worth it. And if loving the space I see everyday, stuck in the 4 walls of my home gives me the freedom to think creatively and bring my best self to my job then you better believe I’ll make it my mission to fall in love.
There’s so little we have control over, I’m still not thrilled about starting work in the middle of a pandemic, but that’s okay. I don’t have to pretend. I’m allowed to be honest with myself. But, I’m also allowed to do something about it. I can create a space of joy both in my mind and in my surroundings. For me at least, those two things have to connect. This office space is an environment that reminds me to be grateful and optimistic and protect my mental health. It’s also just very aesthetically pleasing haha. So here’s to my first week of being grown grown. Here’s to learning that part of adulting is making something beautiful out of an unfortunate situation. Here’s to new beginnings and finding so much joy in the small things. Here’s to staying grateful but always keeping it real. Gratitude is a gift but it is cultivated and one way we build it is by taking whatever we have in front of us and doing what we can to make it beautiful
Disclaimer, I honestly watched like 2 youtube videos, looked at a bunch of pinterest boards, and went to home depot. I am by not by any means an interior design expert, I just love a good ole diy project. If you want to know where I got anything ask me in the comments!