Anxiety Attack (1/3)
Anxiety feels
like your head
and heart are
disconnected…
Anxiety feels like your head and heart are disconnected
You know logic. You understand reason, but no matter what you do, there’s a tightness in your chest, a panic in the pit of your stomach, a cry in the back of your throat, convincing you that something has gone horribly terribly wrong.
Anxiety is hanging off the cliff of despair while hope reaches down to grab you but you just can’t seem to get a grip. Your legs flail and your arms ache with the effort of holding on, reaching for something just beyond your grasp.
The worst part is that you can see it. Sanity. It is so close. You can even remember what it felt like to be wrapped up in it. Peace. Happiness. That fast fading moment when your feet were on solid ground.
More than a fleeting worry, you feel unsettled in your soul. You are perfectly still but you can’t seem to catch your breath. The air refuses to take up the fullness of the space in your lungs.
You gasp for breath as if the oxygen will heal the aching at your core but even as you inhale, you recognize the futility of the motion.
Tears are pouring now, leaking uselessly from your eyes, coating the world in a blurry haze. The tears seem to flow endlessly struggling to find escape from the darkness within you, eager to tell the world the despair they have witnessed inside. The tears, they betray you. They expose your weaknesses, leaving you vulnerable.
You are like an open wound, prone to be infected by hopelessness.
Anxiety feels like your head and heart are disconnected.
You know you shouldn’t be alone but the very thought of breaking your solitude simply produces more panic. How can anyone possibly understand when all of their hearts and minds are so intact. How can you let them see you like this?
How do you explain that your heart and head are at war and the only casualty at the center of the dispute is your happiness. You are being led towards despair while all the while pulled towards reason.
It would be so easy to just lose myself here...fade away, a feather in the wind, spiraling down to nowhere, my suffering held close. The only thing I can be sure of is the reality of the pain.
My whys are left in limbo, perpetually searching for an end to the questioning, never coming to a full stop...I
t would be so easy to disappear here but unfortunately, I am still tethered to reality, just aware enough to feel guilty for letting things get so out of hand.
Anxiety feels like my mind and heart are disconnected.
My thoughts race to an unknown destination. Each one dangerously trying to beat the other to the top of my mind. I am out of control. I am not out of my mind but, right now the thought of leaving my mind behind sounds so appealing.
I long to escape the cacophony of my thoughts- an incoherent stream of stressed ramblings crescendo into a dangerous harmony drowning out reason.
My thoughts exhaust me. Only in the silence of sleep do I find a bit of rest but even my rest is restless as it simply foreshadows the unease that will rise on the rays of the morning sun..