2020: The Year of Revelation & Light
2020 was the year that I began my journey into the light. Living in the light simply means having the freedom to walk boldly and honestly in your God given purpose and identity. God used the events of this year to bring me to a place where I had no one to turn to but Him. He had a call upon my life but in order to fulfill it, I would need to step out of the darkness. The light of God is a place where I am free to be truthful and transparent. It is a place where I can see other image bearers and love them out of wholeness instead of selfishness. It is a place where my eyes are wide open to experience the joy and peace in the presence of my Savior. However, the light didn’t just cause the positive things to grow in my life, it caused the negative things to die. When I finally allowed the light of God to expose all the dark areas of my life, it unearthed the deep shame, fear, and insecurity that I’d been hiding away for so long. In those moments the pain of facing who I really am was nearly paralyzing. When you’re forced to really look at yourself in the harsh light of reality, what you discover there makes it so tempting to run back into the darkness. But God can’t heal what we don’t reveal. By the grace of God, I stayed in that place of necessary pain, feeling hurt and hopeful all at once. This year, in the light, God showed me the depth of my selfishness and pride, how I love the creations more than the creator, and even the childhood traumas that led to years of anxiety and depression. At some points, it felt like I was looking directly into the sun. I’ve never related more to Adam and Eve because I desperately wanted to run, hide, and cover myself. It was terrifying to be so exposed after a lifetime in the shadows but what was revealed at that point of light was necessary for me to walk in purpose.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17
God showed me that only He defines what is good. For all of history people have tried and failed to define goodness for themselves which painted a distorted picture of God and his will. In a year like 2020 it can be so easy to see God as vengeful and wicked when you look at all the death and suffering in the world. But what if what we’re looking at is simply a desperately evil and wicked world in need of a perfect and holy God? What if you saw God as the solution rather than the problem for a world that has tried and failed to heal itself. When we simply submit to His truth, we find that just because something is not good to us doesn’t mean it is not good for us. We discover that God’s priority isn’t our happiness, it is our purpose. Just because the pain of being stretched in a new season feels bad, doesn’t mean that it isn’t working together for our good. The God of our joy and our blessings is the same God of our sadness and suffering. Living in the light is not a state of perpetual happiness where nothing goes wrong. Rather, it is a state of perpetual freedom where you can be authentic and honest about how you feel while remembering who you are. Anger, shame, regret, and anxiety keep us bound in the darkness of lies and fear, unable to walk in God’s destiny for our lives because we have convinced ourselves that we can never be free. But, in an unbelievable year, when I finally gave up the illusion that I had control over anything, God found a way to lovingly lead me into the light. In 2020, with each new pain, heartache, and moment of grief, God showed me just how brilliantly his light can shine. Even in the darkest night, His Word was a light, His people shone bright, and his presence gave purpose to my pain. Every time I thought of a reason to cry, God gave me 10 more reasons to be grateful. God showed me that my journey into the light wasn’t about me and therefore it couldn’t stop with me. It was about loving and serving as many of his people as possible. It was about the lives that could be touched if I stepped out in obedience. My light was created to point to the light of Christ Jesus. Matthew 5:16 says:
“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
2021 will be my year of Grace for New Beginnings. By God’s mercy, I have stepped into the Light Point and by his grace I will stay there. I know that no matter what happens my identity and security is in Christ. The future may be full of darkness, but you can always catch me in the light.